Dooley Blog

On TV, or when talking to people, it’s common to hear someone say that they will take their spouse for everything they have. “I’ll show them” “If they are going to leave me, I’m keeping everything” “They left, they should have to pay” or the good old “I’m going to take them to the cleaners”.

There are two main problems with this approach to negotiations in a family law matter:

1. it takes a high emotional toll; and

2. your legal fees will escalate rapidly.

Most people who are using these phrases have experienced a very nasty breakdown of the relationship, and are seeking a way to heal the wound or find a way to exact revenge for the behaviour of their former partner.

Tips on how to avoid a ‘revenge’ family law settlement

1. Evaluate your financial needs. Understand what you realistically need to achieve from your financial settlement with your former partner. It may be a good idea to go see a financial planner before starting the negotiations.

2. Where possible, attempt to communicate with your former partner about their expectations. If you can’t speak with them, try email communications. Try to keep your communications non-accusatory, factual and to the point.

3. See a counsellor to assist you with the emotional aspect of the breakdown of your relationship. Discussing your situation with a counsellor will be of great assistance to you to assist you with separating your emotions from the financial settlement.

If you need to discuss your financial settlement, please contact our family law team at Dooley & Associates.

We regularly hear from our clients that they are ‘getting ready to leave’. The decision hasn’t yet been definitely made, but ‘things just aren’t working out’.

So what do you need to consider if you are getting ready to leave your partner? There are many important considerations, some of which will have a lasting impact on your life.

In part 1 of this series, we look at whether the relationship can be salvaged and the impact it will have on your life and your loved ones.

Are you ready to leave?

Many of our clients are unaware of the impact that carrying through on their decision to break up with their partner will have.

Are you emotionally ready? It might be worthwhile speaking to close friends, a counselor or a trusted family member to discuss how you are feeling.

Are you financially ready? Before you take the leap, consider where you are going to stay (if you are the person leaving the home), what your income is going to be and what your new set of expenses might be.

Are you going to be safe? If you are leaving a violent situation, are you going to be in a safe place? Are the police aware of your safety concerns? Do you need to notify anybody to keep your new contact details private?

Is your partner ready for you to leave?

You may not be too concerned about how your partner feels in the heat of the moment, but it may be worthwhile considering.

Your relationship issues may be significant, but it might be worthwhile seeking counselling or mediation through a private counselor, Relationships Australia or Unifam. Although pursuing these avenues may not necessarily result in a mended relationship, it may assist you to develop some starting points for future negotiations, or to resolve parenting issues.

It’s worthwhile noting that if you have been married for less than 2 years, the Family Court requires that you seek counselling before allowing you to divorce.

Are your children ready for you to leave?

It is very important that if you have children you give careful consideration to what kind of information you give them, and how you show emotion around them. We regularly see instances where children are severely affected by their parent’s emotional issues associated with the breakdown of the relationship, more so than the actual breakdown of the relationship.

 
If you are ready to leave, and want to know more information about parenting and/or property related issues, please contact us.